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May 21

Left Turn Louie: Cool the Heat at the Indy 500

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I really don’t know much about Indy Cars or the Indy 500. I mean, once they get past “Dudes & Dudettes, start your engines”, I’m basically lost until I see the checkered flag. Then again, I don’t know much about NASCAR either, but that’s never even slowed me down as to writing about it.

There are three ladies in the field this weekend at the Indy 500: Danica Patrick, Sarah Fisher, and Milka Duno. On behalf of all of the male drivers in the field, I am filing an official complaint.

No, the complaint is not about there being women drivers, although I KNOW there are some good ole boys who are chafing in their fire suits about that aspect. My complaint is that all three ladies are FI-INNNNE…DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS…UMMMM UMMMMPH YUMMY…so smoking hot that I bet the average track temperature (among other things) at this year’s Indy 500 will rise…significantly.

Check-out these highly-skilled and HOT, SEXY lady drivers…

Sarah Fisher
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Milka “Milky White” Duno
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Danica Patrick
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How the heck are the male drivers supposed to concentrate with all of THAT on the track at the same time? If I were racing, I wouldn’t get past the first turn before crashing due to running over my own tongue!

I’m an equal-opportunity kind of guy, so I fully support women racers. However, there should be fairness. After all, all of the male drivers are ugly, so the female drivers should be ugly also.

So, I’m starting a petition. Who’s with me?

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