sportsjabber.net

Back with a little help from its friends…Cleveland Reboot is proud to present Part Two of its 2009 NFL Preview.

While Part One offered just a taste of the speculative succulence you have all come to know Cleveland Reboot for, Part Two offers the kind of meaty analysis you would normally have to pay double for…in the shady part of town. Speaking of which, helping us along the way is friend of Reboot and Seahawks blogger extraordinaire, Dave Krieg’s Strike Beard.

Throughout the season, Cleveland Reboot and DKSB will engage in some vicious and bloody, reddish and perhaps illegal work. No lives will be spared. Seriously. This is totally not a joke.

Now onto the picks.

2009 NFL PREDICTIONS

DAVE KRIEG’S STRIKE BEARD

NFC West
Seahawks 10-6
Cardinals 9-7
49ers 6-10
Rams 2-14

NFC North
Packers 11-5
Vikings 10-6
Bears 8-8
Lions 2-14

NFC South
Falcons 10-6
Saints 9-7
Panthers 8-8
Buccaneers 3-13

NFC East
Giants 12-4
Eagles 10-6
Cowboys 9-7
Redskins 5-11

NFC Playoffs
1. Giants
2. Packers
3. Falcons
4. Seahawks
5. Vikings
6. Eagles

Wild Card Round
Seahawks 33, Vikings 27 (OT)
Falcons 24, Eagles 13

Divisional Round
Giants 20, Seahawks 13
Packers 45, Falcons 24

NFC Championship Game
Packers 23, Giants 19

AFC West
Chargers 12-4
Chiefs 5-11
Raiders 4-12
Broncos 3-13

AFC North
Steelers 11-5
Ravens 10-6
Bengals 9-7
Browns 6-10

AFC South
Colts 11-5
Texans 10-6
Titans 9-7
Jaguars 5-11

AFC East
Patriots 13-3
Dolphins 8-8
Bills 6-10
Jets 6-10

AFC Playoffs
1. Patriots
2. Chargers
3. Colts
4. Steelers
5. Ravens
6. Texans

Wild Card Round
Texans 38, Colts 27
Ravens 15, Steelers 14

Divisional Round
Patriots 49, Texans 10
Chargers 16, Ravens 8

AFC Championship
Chargers 27, Patriots 26

SUPER BOWL XLIV
Chargers 34, Packers 31 (OT)
MVP: Philip Rivers

2009 NFL MVP:
Aaron Rodgers, Packers

2009 NFL DPOY:
Jared Allen, Vikings

2009 Best Coach:
Gary Kubiak, Texans

CLEVELAND REBOOT

NFC West
Seahawks 9-7
Cardinals 8-8
49ers 7-9
Rams 3-13

NFC North
Packers 12-4
Vikings 9-7
Bears 8-8
Lions 2-14

NFC South
Saints 12-4
Panthers 9-7
Falcons 7-9
Buccaneers 6-10

NFC East
Eagles 12-4
Cowboys 10-6
Giants 8-8
Redskins 7-9

NFC Playoffs
1. Saints
2. Packers
3. Eagles
4. Seahawks
5. Vikings
6. Cowboys

Wild Card Round
Vikings over Seahawks
Eagles over Cowboys

Divisional Round
Saints over Vikings
Eagles over Packers

NFC Championship Game
Eagles over Saints

AFC West
Chargers 9-7
Chiefs 6-10
Raiders 6-10
Broncos 5-11

AFC North
Ravens 11-5
Steelers 10-6
Bengals 7-9
Browns 6-10

AFC South
Colts 11-5
Titans 9-7
Texans 8-8
Jaguars 7-9

AFC East
Patriots 13-3
Dolphins 9-7
Jets 7-9
Bills 4-12

AFC Playoffs
1. Patriots
2. Ravens
3. Colts
4. Chargers
5. Steelers
6. Titans

Wild Card Round
Colts over Titans
Steelers over Chargers

Divisional Round
Patriots over Steelers
Colts over Ravens

AFC Championship
Patriots over Colts

SUPER BOWL XLIV
Patriots over Eagles
MVP: Ed Hochuli

2009 NFL MVP:
Aaron Rodgers, Packers

2009 NFL DPOY:
Ed Reed, Ravens

2009 Best Coach:
Mike McCarthy, Packers

And here’s DKSB’s take on the NFC. Notice which division he starts with…

NFC West
Inconceivably, the Seahawks blogger picks Seattle to win the NFC West. Yes, they tumbled down the mountain to a 4-12 finish in 2008, but the additions of players like TJ Houshmandzadeh and Aaron Curry, coupled with the return of a healthy Matt Hasselbeck, should get the Hawks to 9 or 10 wins. Arizona doesn’t look any better than last year’s 9-7 team that rode a hot streak and a bunch of Jake Delhomme picks to XLIII, the Niners are an overrated crew led by a jabbering, inexperienced blowhard, and St. Louis is a horrible team that plays inside a glorified Costco Warehouse.

NFC North
Get used to this, Minnesotans: Purple Jesus scampers for 175 yards, the Williams wall holds opposing offenses in check, but you still lose 20-17 after Mr. Wrangler jeans chucks 3 ints. But hey, he’s just having fun out there, right? The Vikings should snag a Wild Card spot in spite of themselves, while Green Bay rides Aaron Rodger’s arm and mustache to the division crown. The Bears will be 8-8 or so, which is the exact record Jay Cutler led Denver to last year. In Detroit, they’ll party in the street when the team wins 3 games, and then ED-209 will go crazy and shoot a bunch of people.

NFC South
I’m more than a little surprised Jake Delhomme still has a job after his divisional playoff meltdown last January, but Carolina will still be in the 3-team NFC South race. I’d love to tell you I have a great feel for who will win this division, but I gotta paraphrase Smooth Jimmy Apollo and say that if you’re one of those compulsive types that just needs to hear a pick, I don’t know…. Atlanta? Tampa Bay is bringing back the bright orange unis for a few games this fall. They are also bringing 3-13 football back to the Florida Gulf Coast.

NFC East
Oh goody! I get to talk about the most media-oversaturated division in the league! Let’s see, how will this go? D.C. (us Pacific Northwesterners get sick of always having to say we are from “Washington State,” so suck that West Coast Bias, our nation’s capital!) has spent a lot of money for a team that will be out of contention by Halloween, Dallas is a lumbering, overpriced, mediocre behemoth befitting their monstrous new stadium, the Eagles will fail to successfully manage their little dog-murdering backup QB situation, and the Giants will manage to stay above the tabloid crapstorm and win 12 games.

And here’s mine. And I’m ignoring the obvious West Coast bias being shoved down our throats…

NFC East
For the fifth year in a row, I will predict the demise of the NFC East. Although I use my Saints rationale in predicting a big year for Philly, I’m wary of the Eagles winning it all, regardless of the three plays per game Michael Vick is involved in. The Cowboys are very underrated heading into the season, which is a nice departure from last year, while the Giants could struggle minus some important offensive weapons. If Brandon Jacobs goes down, look out. The Redskins could likely repeat last season’s arc, which could signal the arrival of Bill Cowher to Dan Snyder’s D.C. kingdom.

NFC North
While Minnesota and Chicago stake the future of their franchises in the delicate hands of Brett Favre and Jay Cutler, the Packers should emerge as the most talented team in the division, featuring the NFC’s best quarterback in Aaron Rodgers. Unfortunately for Minnesota, Favre is likely to again implode down the stretch, while the only thing Chicago got in the Cutler deal was a guaranteed 8-8 season. While the Vikings’ defense should allow them to sneak into the playoffs, the Bears will fade down the stretch. And how about that win-win situation for Jim Schwartz in Detroit? Win one game and you have improved on last year.

NFC South
For some reason, I really like the Saints this year. I’m a fan of franchise stability and the Sean Payton/Drew Brees variety should again light up the scoreboards. Now about that defense…While the rest of the division is highly competitive, Atlanta will actually face some real competition this year, while Carolina gets another year older. But of course, both teams will offer teases before faltering in December. The wildcard in the bunch is Tampa Bay, who outside of Cleveland, could be the league’s biggest mystery this year, regardless of K2′s recurring “problem.”

NFC West
If not Seattle, then who? If Matt Hasselbeck can stay upright, his future political career will be postponed for another season. Speaking of quarterbacks, the Cardinals will only go as far as the 56 year old Kurt Warner can take them. And in San Francisco, just the fact that Shaun Hill had to “beat out” Alex Smith reveals a lot regarding the Niners. And who else is in that division? Probably doesn’t matter.

Stay tuned in the coming days for some Sunday picks. Oh, and tonight’s game doesn’t count. I’m not quite ready.

More…