sportsjabber.net

As expected, Cleveland Browns owner Randy Lerner held a news conference this morning to announce a series of actions designed to address what he is calling “shortfalls” in the organization. The new measures include immediate policy changes such as increased playing time for Brady Quinn, a full psychiatric review of the coaching staff, and the firings of individuals who are determined to be “f*cking morons” following the internal analysis.

Most NFL experts think that a minimum of six people will be terminated from their positions as a result. That number could rise to eight or ten, according to an optimistic fan from Chicago, IL. Lerner’s frustration with the team’s performance this season was clear during the 30-minute press conference, but he admitted that it pales in comparison to the frustration of the Browns’ fan base. “I have a happy family and a net worth of 1.5 billion dollars, so I think I am in a better position to handle this kind of season than the average fan is. Most of these people live and breathe Browns football and live on peanuts. I can always drop a few million at a casino or strip club to lift my spirits,” Lerner said, “What the hell are they gonna do – drink themselves to death?” Lerner expects to begin implementing his changes this week.

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