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Sure, the Olympics are great. Men and women from different countries pitting their athletic talents against each other in dozens of events. Events like basketball, wrestling, swimming…

Wait.

The winter Olympics?

Yeah, those are cool too.

I mean, they’ve got hockey. And uh…did I say hockey?

Ok, so maybe they’ve got more than hockey, let’s look at what we’ve got and why they don’t matter to me.

Skiiing – Well, I can’t tell you how much I love skiiing. I love driving my $300,000 car to Aspen to ski. Let me tell ya…

Nordic Events – Ok, so the biathlon is ridiculous. They’ve given the skiers rifles. Guess I should’ve thought about that before making fun of them…

Cross Country skiing and Ski Jumping – Why don’t we just rename this the 2010 Winter Skiiing Classic already? Hey, I can jump skis, what’re they, like six feet long? What’s so tough about that?

Bobsled – When regular old sledding gets boring, you’ve just gotta add some guy named Bob, right?

Luge – Tell ya what, sledding’s a little too junior high school girls activity for us. We’re gonna take that sled, and find a way to make it go upwards of 100 miles per hour. I’d originally intended a deathtrap joke for this part, but given the circumstances I’d rather not book an express ticket to hell at the moment.

Skeleton – Let’s go headfirst!

Hockey – I’ve got nothing clever to say about hockey, eh.

Skating events – There are so many jokes that could be made about the skating events, but in lieu of all of the hysterical gay jokes that are bouncing around my head, I’m going to take the high road and ask…WHYYYYY…WHYYYYYY…WHYYYYY.

Curling – Because people with no athletic skill have to be represented too!

Are you seeing this?

What is literally the GREATEST winter sport has been left off this list for all these years.

Where. Is. The. Snow. Ball. Fight?

Come on. Roughly 89% (Completely made up) of the world that have snowfall over 4 inches has participated in this age old event.

I mean, what’s better than waiting behind the garage door, waiting for your little brother to walk out of the house and pelting him with snowballs?

Nothing I tell you, nothing.

And if fans of the biathlon think this is too girly, then hell, let’s put marbles in the snowballs just to feed their sick adrenaline thrill.

I’m calling upon you, to sign this official petition – to get the snow ball fight, that age old winter tradition, into the Olympic games.

By: Phenomenal TJ
SJ Administrator | Blogger | Self Proclaimed ‘Funny Guy’

http://forums.sportsjabber.net/sjforums/showthread.php?t=44609