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He has the body and ferociousness of the T-Rex from Jurassic Park and the havoc-wreaking ability of The Incredible Hulk. Unfortunately, both of those creatures individually possess brains approximately double the relative size of “Ron Ron’s”.

He took (and missed) two of the dumbest shots in the history of basketball with less than a minute to play in Game 5 of the Western Conference Finals. But then he somehow managed to tear his way thru the Kobe-distracted Suns, catch Kobe’s missed attempted game-winner, and buzzer-beat it in to give the Lakers a slim but wacky 103-101 victory and a slim but critical 3-2 series lead.

The scary thing for the Lakers and their fans is that Artest will come away from this game deservedly reveling in the exhuberence showered upon him for his winning basket, while still not grasping the level of stupidity of his previous two long attempts. The latter of which…a 3-point attempt no less…was THE most ignorant since it was Lakers’ ball with 55 seconds left in the game, a 3-point lead, and 22 seconds left on the shot clock.

When asked in a post-game interview why he took that last horrendous, unnecessary 3-point attempt, his response was, “I was playing basketball. I wanted to break their backs”. HUH?…WHAT? Point is…Ron has no clue as to how close he came to being forever demonized instead of heralded in the esteemed annals of Lakers’ playoff history. This means that the next time a similar scenario arises, Ron will likely again take a terrible shot…or two.

Neither Ron Artest or I will ever receive a member-invitation to MENSA. Nor will either of our nicknames ever be “Bruce Banner” or “Albert Einstein”. I’m also sure that Ron would lose big if ever a participant on “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader” (I think I could manage to pull off a tie with those little 10-year old know-it-alls). But “The Queensbridge Quacko” won Game 5 for the Lakers, for which I am Purple & Gold grateful…and which for me proves that God has extra love for 6’7″ babies and…IDIOTS.

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