“El Brondito” James to NBA Free Agency: “Don’t move till I say so”

By Reg • July 1, 2010

At 12:01 AM tonight (July 1), the feeding frenzy of the 2010 NBA Free Agency class begins…sort of. I say sort of because despite all the predicted mayhem of movement, absolutely nothing of significance will occur until LeBron James makes his move…or non-move.

“El Brondito” James holds 2010 NBA Free Agency hostage!

He is a one-man terrorist organization, equipped with the most sophisticated kidnapping masterminding, weaponry, & technology in the history of the world…and of course…he’ll be wearing a mask.

Never before in NBA history has one player completely controlled player movement as will “El Brondito”. NO ONE who is an NBA free agent can even move next door until “El Brondito” reveals his destination. No team who has enough cap space or sign-and-trade capability can even acquire next season’s stock of jock straps until “El Brondito” indicates for whom he’ll be wearing his jock straps.

If you’re anxiously awaiting the news of where Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, Joe Johnson, Dirk Nowitsky, Amare Stoudamire, Paul Pierce et al are going (or not going)…unless/until LeBron reveals his new (or current) Google Map location, you’ll be still waiting well after 12:01 AM tonight…or for that matter, tomorrow night.

Even coaching positions are being held hostage by “El Brondito”. Byron Scott doesn’t want the Cavs job in part because he really wants the Lakers job. However, he can’t get the Lakers job until Phil jackson decides he doesn’t want it any more. The key though is that Scott sure as heck doesn’t want the Cavs job without assurance that the Cavs will have a team worth coaching next year…which it won’t if “El Brondito” leaves. Meanwhile, the Cavs don’t want Free Agency to begin without a coach in place, so they’ll likely immediately hire their 2nd choice, Brian Shaw who is just happy to get a head coaching job.

Fans in Chicago, Miami, New York, Dallas et al are licking their chops at the prospects of having some combination of “El Brondito”, Wade, Bosh, Nowitski, Stoudamire, and Pierce et al wreaking unprecedented All-Star havoc on their behalf next season. Meanwhile, we Lakers fans are yawning, watching Kobe in the stands of the World Cup, and planning our 2011 Double-Three-Peat party.