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WOW! Was that an incredible Daytona 500 or what?!

Now, before I get into my rant, allow me to pat myself on the back for being the only person on the planet who predicted that Trevor Bayne would win the race. Yeah…so I was talking about the race with his little brother to his mama’s fridge for the last bottle of RC Cola, but at least I had his name out there. YOU didn’t, now did you? So, take THAT!

On to my rant…

As I said (I like repeating myself to make my articles longer)…this was an incredible race. NOOOO…not to Trevor’s mama’s fridge…The Daytona 500! HOWEVER…There was WAYYYYY too much explicit sex in the race. You know what I’m talking about. From start to finish, every car & driver on the track was paired-up with another car & driver…HUMPING!

Now look…I’m no prude…well…except when some hot lady wants me to be one when we play my patented “I’ll prude you if you’ll prude me first” game. And then…uhhh…well… Moving right along…There were KIDS watching this race. Heck…I think there were kids DRIVING in this race. Trevor himself was just one day beyond being a teenager. My point is…NASCAR can’t allow all that humping with kids watching!

And it got really kinky too. Car #24 would hump car #16 for awhile…then they’d switch and let car #16 get behind to do some humping…and back & forth. Then car #24 would go hump car #12 for awhile…etc etc. There were even BROTHERS humping each other, ie the Busch’s (go figure) & Kesolowski’s. I realize they were in the South, but it was Florida, not Arkansas. So, not only was there rampant, hot, wild humping, but also torrid, nasty INCEST & SWAPPING! It looked like the orgy scenes from “Transformers Gone Wild”!

That’s prolly why there were some many accidents. You know what happens with humping…eventually there’s…uhhh…”peaking”…and when that happens, minds…and I guess, engines too…can go blank and lose control of key functioning parts. When that happens on a race track…WHAMMO…crashes!

And another thing…What was up with that funky “Green-White-Checkered” overtime thingee? Everyone knows that in overtime, you’re supposed to flip a coin and the first one who scores wins. But…ehhh…the more I think about it, I can see how with all that humping going on, it mighta been a tad HARD to figure out who “scored” first.

I’m out! On to Phoenix International Raceway and potentially more insights into other hard-core NASCAR porn.

By Left Turn Louie – Jabberhead, Knucklehead, NASCAR A-Fishy-A-Nutto

http://forums.sportsjabber.net/sjforums/showthread.php?t=79256