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NASCAR will be racing at Bristol Motor Speedway this weekend. Official forecasts suggests that neither the Nationwide or Sprint Cup races will likely sell out. I’m here to tell you why.

First off…It’s Bristol! Who the Hell wants to go to Bristol, Tennessee? Who the Hell wants to go ANYWHERE in Tennessee? Now that I mention it…Where the Hell IS Bristol, Tennessee? Has Elvis been sighted there? I mean, if The King hasn’t been sighted there, why would NASCAR think that 99.99999999% of Tennessee residents would want to go there just for a race?

Secondly…Who the Hell procured the sponsors & names for the races? The Nationwide Race is “The Scott’s EZ Seed 300″ and the Sprint Cup Race is “The Jeff Byrd 500″. Now look…Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against grass seed, but couldn’t they get Viagra or some other…AHEM…UPLIFTING sponsor for the Nationwide race? And I’m sure that Jeff Byrd….whoever the Hell he was…was a cool dude & all, but it’s basketball season. They’d sell a lot more tickets if the Sprint Cup race were “The LARRY BIRD 500″.

Thirdly…Who’s bright ass idea was it to schedule races during the NCAA Basketball Tournament?…especially with The University of Tennessee playing in it. The geniuses at NASCAR scheduled byes (or whatever they call it) last weekend when there wasn’t squat else going on. Then they schedule a race in Tennessee while 99.99999999% of the state will be home watching the Vols on TV getting their asses kicked in “The Big Dance”. What the Hell else is there to do in Tennessee on a weekend? Oh…go to Bristol…Yeah…Thrilling.

Lastly…NASCAR is NOT advertising that Danica Patrick will be racing in the NUDE! How did they miss this opportunity to get even Tennessee HOCKEY fans (all twelve of them) to rush to buy tickets for the grass seed race? Okay…so, Danica is NOT racing in the nude, but so when did NASCAR start worrying about false advertising?

So, there you have it. It’s all very clear to me…just as everything else about NASCAR is obviously clear to me.

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By Left Turn Louie – Jabberhead, NASCAR A-Fishy-A-Nutto

http://forums.sportsjabber.net/sjforums/showthread.php?t=81406