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So…Jennifer Jo Cobb refused to start-and-park her car, refusing orders by her car owner, at the Nationwide race in Bristol on Saturday. So, she didn’t race.

Whut up wid dat?

My first question was…Who is Jennifer Jo Cobb? My following, and far more important question was…Is she as hot as that FINE-ASS Danica Patrick? So, I did some research…skipped right over her racing bio and went straight to her pictures. As you can see from the picture above, she’s not even in same “oval track of hot-ness” as Danica. However, I sure wouldn’t kick her out of bed for downshifting on the straightaway.

But on to the start-and- park issue…

Why did she get so bent out of shape about starting-and-parking? Heck…I do it almost every day. I start-up my raggity-ass, 11-year-old Explorer…drive for a few miles…then park it…cuz it breaks down. Jennifer would have gotten PAID for starting-and-parking, while I do it for free…nee…I wind up PAYING…the tow truck company and “Mookie” the Mechanic.

But you know how I pride myself in being supremely informed about all things NASCAR. So, I conferred with my on-retainer expert NASCAR advisor, Rachel “Joey Logano is one hot dood” Trimm aka Ray-Ray to some.

Rachel explained to me that Bristol tends to have a lot of crashes and broke-ass (ALLEGEDLY) Rick Russell didn’t want to risk Jennifer crashing his precious car. HMMMMmmm…sounds a bit sexist to me. But then again, I bet if Danica wanted to sit in his…AHEM…”car” for the entire race, he would have let her.

Rachel also told me that Jennifer had bought tires for the car and was, in part, pissed cuz…What’s she gonna do with brand new tires on a parked car? Well…That’ll teach her. NEVER buy tires for someone else’s car. My next-door neighbor, Herkimer “Hot Wheels” Farquar, lets me drive his 1973 Yugo some times, but I ain’t buyin any tires for it.

My big disappointment in this, however, is that Rick Russell stuck some dood behind the wheel and had him slide around the track for 4 laps, then park. That coulda been me…gettin paid to start-and-park a car that isn’t mine = isn’t broke down. But NOOOOO…Instead of going to Bristol, I stayed home…to watch my dog shed. No wait…On 2nd thought, dog shedding is way more fun than anything in Tennessee.

MORE…

By Left Turn Louie -Jabberhead, NASCAR A-Fishy-A-Nutto, SJ Contributing Satire Author

http://forums.sportsjabber.net/sjforums/showthread.php?t=81810